To Sleep, perchance to get enough of it that I want to actually accomplish something during the day
Yesterday morning, I woke up with a feeling I didn’t recognize. It was strangely familiar but I couldn’t pinpoint it. I started to think of all the things I wanted to accomplish that day, including going to the gym, and I wasn’t overwhelmed by that to-do list. That’s when it hit me: this feeling, it’s called AMBITION.
After nine long months, Signe is finally sleeping through the night. No more 3:00 a.m. feedings. No more sitting anxiously by the monitor after we put her to bed, waiting for the inevitable squeaks and cries that tell us she’ll need to be rocked back to sleep all over again. No more arguing with my husband about whose turn it is to go deal with her. No more deciding, on nights she stays at grandma’s house, whether it’s better to party like we’re still young or catch up on sleep. No more waking up, wanting to cry, and struggling to just…get…through…the…day.
Thanks to Dr. Ferber and no small amount of support from other mamas, Signe now sleeps 12 hours each night and goes to bed with a simple routine that does not involve a tense dance of coaxing her to sleep followed by tiptoeing across the room to gently set her in the crib without disturbing her slumber.
It took a week, and it was tough at times, but my only regret is that I wish we’d done it sooner.
These days, I wake up rested and eager to greet the day. There are days I actually wake up and think, “Well, she’s not up yet, but I don’t feel like I want to stay in bed any longer. Guess I’ll get up!” I’ve even entertained thoughts of, gasp, setting the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to hit the gym. It seemed impossible just a few days ago.
I’m like a new woman. Or, rather, I’m like the woman I was a year and a half ago. I fit into those clothes again. I’m bitchy like she was (in a good, sassy way; not a sleep-deprived on-edge way). I want to read all the time and go to movies and have conversations about politics and feminism.
I want to write blog posts again. And so, I vow to you to do a better job here. Expect greatness.