Malapropisms are one of my favorite things in the whole world. The use of them in Everything is Illuminated is one of the reasons I so cherish that book. I had a roommate in college who forever endeared herself to me when she first told us of what a “pit sty” her room was. I knew she meant either pigsty or pit. But something about pit sty made me chuckle.

So today, when GTB and I were talking about a wedding we are going to next Friday night that a) is out of town and b) starts at 4:00, he emphasized that we really need to hit the road by noon. He mixed up pussy footing and piddle farting to describe that which he does not want us to do, but in the process he created perhaps the most hilarious and disgusting malapropism I’ve ever heard:

Pussy farting.

So rest assured, dear GTB. Next Friday, I promise not to piddle fart, pussy foot, or, most importantly, pussy fart. No matter how pregnant I am.

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