Northern Belle
Regular readers of this blog (or anyone who read last Sunday’s post) know that I am currently obsessed with the South. I want to live there so bad, I start drawling and spouting y’alls just thinkin’ ’bout it. This craze has several origins: an ex from North Cakalaki, a formative summer in high school when I visted Texas, my sister-in-law’s Tennessee-born mother whom I adore, Kings of Leon, and my recent finding that houses are dirt cheap down there. I think I’d be a great Southerner: I’ve got the accent down pat (I’m not sure which regional dialect I’ve mastered, does it matter?), I love sweet tea, and I pass out really easily in the heat, with or without a corset.
I’ve been doing some research on tailgate parties (it’s work-related, I swear) and came across this site. Under the Tailgating Trivia is a list of the differences between the South and their counterparts in the War of Northern Aggression. Some of it is funny:
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
And some of it is just plain buuuulllllshit:
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
It makes me want to say a big ol’ FUCK YOU to the commish. But it also makes me a little jealous.
August 18th, 2005 at 11:05 am
I got two words for you: Dry Counties. Ok, I have a lot of words for you. Here are some of my favorites: Red States. Gun racks. Mason Dixon line (or is it Donna Dixon? I can never remember). Bible thumpers. Slavery. The KKK. Bass Fishing tournaments. Mullets. Monster Trucks. The Confederate flag and all it stands for. Ever see Deliverance? Country music (the bad kind). Swamps. Oakies. Mosquitos. Nascar. Guys with more than one name for a first name, i.e. Billy Bob Joe Bubba. Anna Nicole Smith. Hillbillies. Wife Beater shirts. Hatfields. McCoys. George Bush.
There are so many more, but you get the idea. Granted, there are some good things that have come from the South: Jack Danials, Mardi Gras and Cape Canavaral being just a few of them, but come on, Britney Spears is from the South!
So, as much as we have to tolorate the South and even though we may like some of the things that have come from that over-humidified part of the country, let’s never again speak of you actually moving there. I’ll even do a “ya all” or a “sumbitch” with you every now and then to help you feel at home.
Here’s a website to help you get mad at the South: http://www.fuckthesouth.com/
August 23rd, 2005 at 8:58 pm
Jeff,
As a resident of the greater Houston area. i just have to say you could not be MORE off-base with those “reasons”
Slavery, KKK, Confederate flag and all it stands for… you have to be holding some type of grudge against the south… why else would you use these hateful things as excuses to write about. Slavery: been dead for a LONG time now. KKK; bunch of hate mongers… much like that web site you posted. Confederate flag; a historic flag long ago, but have been twisted by the KKK into a tool of hate. But still a cool looking flag, as far as flags go.
Guys with more that one first name, once you get to know them, hell even if you dont know em, more often than not are some of the nicest folks you will ever meet, and i have yet to see one NOT hold a door for a woman. Part of the carm and all that
Also it seems you keep mistaking what we in the south call “the deep south” or here in Texas, “deep east Texas”. these areas are the fring of the fring, and yes some of the more interesting folks live in these places, they are a small group, but we keep them around for their intertainment value.
and damn… that web site… so much hate.
Isorg