Breasty
I’ve reached the point in this pregnancy where my breasts have taken over my life. They are, in a word, enormous. I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and laugh at how out of proportion I suddenly look. When I ask GTB about it, he wipes the drool from his chin and then responds with something like, “Yep, you’re a pretty booby girl right now!”
I catch co-workers stealing glimpses of them. I find strangers staring at them. I keep knocking stuff over with them. When I was playing “Where’s your nose?” with my friend K’s 18-month-old a couple of weeks ago, he turned around and grabbed my left boob. K said, “I guess we’re playing ‘Where’s Girl’s boob?” I shrugged. Who could blame the poor kid? They’re that big.
Yesterday morning, I realized I’ve outgrown all of my bras. I now have that really ugly and uncomfortable problem of split boob, where half my tit sits in the bra and the other half hangs over the top. So tonight, GTB and I are going bra shopping. He is, of course, stoked. Despite my best efforts to convince him that I’m looking for large, cotton, comfortable maternity bras, he has images of Victoria’s Secret in his head. He’s going to be so disappointed when I steer him away from Frederick’s of Hollywood and toward Motherhood Maternity.
The other unfortunate thing about rapidly growing jugs is that they itch. Uncontrollably. For hours at a time. If you can enlighten me about a way to subtly scratch your breasts at work, please do. Because the whole “Oh, I need this pen, across my desk, that forces my forearm to brush against my own chest, three or four times in rapid succession” is gettting a little old. Plus, it’s not that effective.
In a desperate attempt to find a way to alleviate the itching, and to make sure itchy tits isn’t a symptom of something more serious, I checked Babycenter.com’s community answers page. I searched for “breast” and “itch” and one of the community questions that came up was this:
“When u itch in ur virgina and wash it and it don’t itch any more should u still tell doctor?”
I’m not sure why that’s showing up on my search, but I have been silently cracking up ever since I read it. I told GTB about it and he thinks it’s a joke. I think it was written by someone in Kentucky (no offense, Kentucky). Either way, it’s fucking hysterical.
Anyway, it’s just another discovery on this adventure that is being knocked up. I can’t wait to see what’s next. Rashy butt, maybe?
March 20th, 2008 at 11:40 am
For the record, I have never EVER uttered the phrase “Yep, you’re a pretty booby girl right now!”. “You’re totally boobarific”, maybe…
March 20th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Welcome to my world, Girl (the big booby [not the itchy virginia] part).
March 20th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Yuh huh, you said it Sunday morning. Those EXACT words!
March 20th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Wha? Me? Never.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Don’t get to excited. It was not so long ago that my husband was heard muttering ‘that’s a good size for you’ – but then…I stopped nursing. And they shrank. And shrank. And shrank. They are perhaps smaller than they even were before. Quite possibly just skin and a nipple Who says boob jobs are just for teens looking to get big boobs more quickly? I hear the largest age population standing in line for the knife includes ladies in their late 30’s – post baby boobs. It’s so so sad.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Oddly enough, I’ve spotted Frederick’s and Motherhood right next door to one another. Coincidence? I think not.
…and on a serious note?
Palmer’s Tummy Butter is @ babies-r-us, it works magic for the boobies, booty and belly. Smells really nice, too.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I told the girl that she didn’t have to worry about looking like me after her pregnancy and breast feeding were through. THey’ll go back down.