The Beginning Stages of a Loud, Boisterous, Obnoxious, (Hopefully) Articulate Sacrifice
Last night, in anticipation of GW’s speech on his “new plan” for the war in Iraq, I decided the best course of personal action was to head to the gym. I knew that he wasn’t going to say anything that would make me happy and that the only way I’d get through it is if I watched from the safe confines of a speeding treadmill.
I got through the speech, the Democratic response, and Larry King interviewing Obama just fine. It’s all bullshit, it all makes me mad, and none of it changes the fact that my brother is still over there until the end of March, I thought to myself.
I was wrong. Bush’s speech did change something.
A few hours later, showered, fed, and watching the first season of Weeds with GTB, my home phone rang. I figured I’d call whomever it was back when the episode was over. Then my cell phone rang. Then my home phone rang again. I saw it was my mother and picked up. Her voice was steady but low as she informed me that she’d just talked to my sister-in-law, who told her that she was informed earlier in the evening that Joe’s deployment had been extended for another sixty to ninety days.
“I thought the Marines didn’t do that,” I pleaded with my mom.
“I thought so, too,” she said. “But I think this new plan has changed things.”
Two or three more months of holding our breath, praying for his safe return, lying awake at night after hearing stories of Marine helicopter crashes, vainly hoping to Christ the president wakes up and realizes what a catastrophic mistake he’s made and makes the miraculous decision to bring our men and women home.
This morning, I got online and found this comment board on the Seattle P-I website. I read through the posts and thought about the sacrifice we are all making with this war. How disenchanted it’s made everyone about something–the government, the security of our country, each other. This really is a problem that belongs to all of us. And we all have a stake in how it turns out, and, therefore, we are all entitled to an opinion about it.
But here’s where it gets really personal for me: this extension all but guarantees that Joe won’t be home in time for my wedding. And, depending on when he does arrive, it might also prevent my sister-in-law, nephew, and niece from attending as well. Tracey is one of my bridesmaids. Joe is one of GTB’s groomsmen. Their kids are my two favorite people on the planet. And I’m now planning a wedding that might not include any of them.
Bush talked last night about the sacrifice our young men and women are making by being over in Iraq. He also mentioned the “quiet sacrifice” their families are making: the holidays spent without them, the empty seat at the dinner table. When I got the news last night that I will likely be celebrating my wedding sans four of the most important people in my life, I began to wonder why our sacrifice has to be quiet.
I’m done. I’m finished being quiet. I know that it does nothing for my brother if I turn into Cindy Sheehan. But I’m sick to death of silently supporting him while this jackass of a president further endangers Joe’s life at every flippant turn.
I’ve been thinking a lot over the past several hours about how ridiculous it is to be bitching about this. After all, Joe chose this life. And really, I should be grateful that he’s alive and healthy. But it was Joe who chose this life.I didn’t.
And of course I have enormous amounts of gratitude that Joe is still with us. But given what my family has gone through together, especially losing Matt last fall, I don’t know how to adequately explain how precious each of my family members is to the rest of us. The idea of him spending even one more second in Iraq is ripping me to shreds.
And no, I don’t have a plan. I don’t have the slightest idea how to fix this clusterfuck that Bush and his fuckwad cronies created. As a lowly citizen, that’s not my job. It is, however, the responsibility of the government we elect to come up with solutions and to work together to see them accomplished. And I want them to get on it.
I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry. It is this well inside of me that I don’t know how to get rid of. It feels endless. If I let myself focus on it for too many moments, I start to understand why people punch holes in walls and crash their cars into telephone poles during fits of rage.
I told GTB this morning that I would allow myself this one day to be pissed and feel sorry for myself. Starting tomorrow, I’m concentrating all of my energy on putting the intention out there that Joe will be safely home in time for my wedding.
But today, I’m seething.
UPDATE: I’ll be attending this rally tonight with GTB and some friends if you’d like to join us.
January 11th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
I’m with you. I know our frustration is nothing compared to those who have lost a loved one in this war, but today it feels huge. I mostly regret every extra day all of those Marines will be away from their wives and children. I know they are all volunteers, but how long can we maintain an all volunteer military when our word about the number and duration of deployments means nothing. God Bless them all. God Bless their brave wives. God help us all.
April 14th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
This is very selfish, vulgar, populist, lacking any real understanding of what is going on, and perhaps most
sigificantly, disrespectful; to Joe, his wife, all who have served, and the
US Government. You don’t need to like the President, or his policy,
but your lack of respect for the institution is distasteful (not to
mention degrades your argument).
You’re right, you didn’t pick Joe’s career. You need to come to terms
with the fact that he has dedicated himself to something greater than
himself which is not centered around your immediate personal comfort.
Ironically, Joe picked a career that preserves your rights to say such
caustic things, in such vuglar terms–even when, taken en mass, they
can have a negative effect on his mission and well being.
I understand you are upset, but perhaps you should recognize that what
is going on is bigger than your wedding plans.
We all want the troops home, but the manner in which they return will
have an impact for decades–if not longer. If we abandon Iraq now, the
result will be catastrophic–and we’ll be forced to live lives heavily
influenced by muslim extremism, or have to go back, bigger and tougher,
to finish the job we are in the middle of right now.
April 15th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Lucy,
I think you may have misunderstood this blog posting. It was written in a moment of disappointment. If you are a faithful reader of the girl’s blog you would know that she loves her brother, his wife and thier kids. You would also know that her olderst brother died less than two years ago. I had the impression that she wasn’t just disappointed for herself, but for her sister-in-law and for Joe’s kids. The posting was honest and passionate.
Would you prefer to live in a world where questioning the mission isn’t allowed? It’s okay for you to voice your agreement with the current administration but when anyone disagrees you hint at treason, at harming the troops, of creating a “negatiave effect on the mission.”
I don’t find a little passsionate language vulgar. Sacrificing our young people in an ill conceived war is vulgar. Your over reaction is puzzling. As for being disrespectful to all whom have served the US government, I don’t think so. You’ve attributed a great deal of power to the Girl.
Do you have a son, daughter, brother, father or good friend in Iraq or Afghanistan right now? If you do, I pray for you and your family. If not, you might consider the sacrifices made every day those whose most precious ones are away with a little sensitivity.
April 15th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Lacy, your comment is very selfish, vulgar, lacking any real understanding of what its like to be put in this position, and perhaps most sigificantly, disrespectful; to the author of this blog and to her family. You don’t need to like the author, or her political and moral beliefs, but your lack of respect for her right to write whatever she feels–free from venemous criticism from total strangers with a FOX News-ized view of the world–is distasteful (not to mention degrades any claim you may have to being a human being whose feelings for their loved ones outweighs his/her politics).
Picking a fight with, laying judgement upon, or professing an agenda that is 180 degrees opposite to that of the auther of the blog is cowardly and gutless, not to mention tacky and unwanted. No one asked you for your opinion, especially when its volunteered in such an attacking, aggressive manner. This blog is The Girl’s forum for talking about her feelings and experiences to an audience that includes friends, family, and strangers alike. She’s not pushing an agenda that she’s trying to convince others to subscribe to. If you don’t agree with her, don’t read it (and feel free to go post on your own blog or Ann Coulter’s or Rush Limbaugh’s or any other number of Neo-Con website forum). But don’t lob your self-righteous grenade of bile and anger at her blog as if anybody here gives a shit.
And finally, don’t you ever question this woman’s devotion, adoration, or respect for her brother, her family, or the hundreds of thousands that have sacrificed their lives (or the lives of their family members) to give her the freedom not to be attacked by someone of your stature on a personal blog. You should be ashamed of yourself.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Lacy,
Get your own blog!