Last night, while out drinking with some of my favorite people, I checked my email via my fancy phone and saw that I’d received a message from an ex. I won’t go into too much detail. Let’s just say I think he’s full of shit, and I actually feel sorry for him. So, instead of going home after hitting one bar like we should have, Jeff and I decided to stop in at another favorite haunt. It was pretty empty, which is a probably a good thing because, as I announced to Jeff upon arriving, “I’m so bitchy right now, I’m either gonna get laid or into a fight.” <\/p>\n
The bartender bought us a round of shots. I said drunken things to Jeff like, “I’m going to die alone,” and “I think either men are liars or my intuition is totally off.” You know, really dramatic stuff like that. Just as the shot was warming my tummy and the edge was finally off, I looked up and saw a guy I had a decent makeout session with a few weeks ago. (Not coincidentally, he also never called, not that I expected him to.) He was there with another girl and he either didn’t see me or was about as interested in talking to me as I was in talking to him because we didn’t so much as make eye contact.<\/p>\n
This morning, I feel like crap, the 7-11 by my house was out of Orange Gatorade, it’s about 4 degrees in my office, and all men are liars (or my intuition is totally off). So I’m doing the only thing my PMS-addled mind is capable of: I’m going online and buying a new computer. By this time next week, I hope to have a shiny, new iBook. Then I can spend the rest of my spinster days loading music and making playlists to listen to at the gym while I work off my ginormous ass, which is clearly the reason I’m going to die alone. Well, that and because MEN ARE LIARS.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last night, while out drinking with some of my favorite people, I checked my email via my fancy phone and saw that I’d received a message from an ex. I won’t go into too much detail. Let’s just say I think he’s full of shit, and I actually feel sorry for him. So, instead of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=75"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=75"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=75"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=75"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}