{"id":168,"date":"2006-02-22T09:49:44","date_gmt":"2006-02-22T16:49:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/?p=168"},"modified":"2006-02-22T09:51:40","modified_gmt":"2006-02-22T16:51:40","slug":"love-means-never-having-to-say-geez-youre-a-really-shitty-roller-skater","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/?p=168","title":{"rendered":"Love means never having to say, “Geez, you’re a really shitty roller skater!”"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Part of what’s interesting about dating someone from another city is getting to know his friends and the group quirks at play. What’s dangerous about that is how easy it is to generalize about an entire city as you get to know them.<\/p>\n

For example, GTB’s friend A is darling. She’s smart, funny, adorable, and super fun to get drunk and exchange extremely personal stories about your sex life with. In other words, she’s my hero. Earlier this week, she sent out an email requesting that we all go roller skating for her birthday. My first thought, of course, was “I’d join a Polar Bear Club<\/a> if it meant I got to hang out with A more.” My second thought was, “Why in the world do people from Portland insist on humiliating themselves, or, more importantly, me, whenever they want to celebrate something?” First it’s GTB’s birthday party, which consisted of a lethal one-two punch of bowling and karaoke. And now roller skating?!<\/p>\n

I know how difficult it is to plan something original and fun for your birthday. I usually think about it for about five minutes and then say “Fuck it, let’s just get drunk.” So I applaud A’s attempt at something more challenging than seeing who can down the most shots. (For the record, it’s no longer me. I spit out most of my second shot of Jager over the entire table last Saturday. Guess I really have become somewhat of a lightweight.) And I know that we can’t always go out and do the kinds of things I AM good at. I mean, who wants to spend his or her birthday at a spelling bee, right? <\/p>\n

But good God! I’m not sure how much longer I can continue the pretense that I’m cool and quirky and willing to do anything for a laugh. When I told GTB that I’d definitely go to the roller skating party, but that I’d be the obnoxious drunk in the corner, oogling all the young skaters, he did the email equivalent of begging me (i.e. he typed “please” more than once and in all caps) to join him on the rink. I told him I’d consider it. <\/p>\n

So last night, I did. And here’s what I’ve come up with. I have a bad knee and no balance. I didn’t even like roller skating as a kid. As hilarious and fun and kitschy as I’m sure it will be, I have decided I will definitely be the obnoxious drunk in the corner, oogling all of the young skaters at A’s party. However, I will not be getting drunk off Jager.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Part of what’s interesting about dating someone from another city is getting to know his friends and the group quirks at play. What’s dangerous about that is how easy it is to generalize about an entire city as you get to know them. For example, GTB’s friend A is darling. She’s smart, funny, adorable, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/168"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=168"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/168\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hickopolis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}